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The (annotated) Palin Message

This is one of the many posts I received today from the Republican website Human Events –yeah I signed up for it. And frankly, I don’t believe it was written by the person whose name is at the bottom.

Dear Supporter [or Anti-American who just signed up for this newsletter to spy on us and also know what we are saying about you],

If you caught my guest appearance on Saturday Night Live this weekend [wink, wink, wasn’t I great?] , you may have seen an ad or two (or twenty) from Senator Obama’s campaign.

This barrage of advertising is adding up to the most expensive negative ad buy [Doesn’t negative mean against me?] in political history. And these ads are funded with the nearly $200 million the Obama campaign and the DNC raised in September. [How dare they? We tried but all the RNC could raise was the specter of George Wallace, gosh darn it.]

With this new money, they’ll only step up their media buying efforts to flood every network with ads attacking our shared values. These ads are full of inaccurate information [like pointing out that my Johnnie voted with that evil Bush fellow 90% of the time instead of that he voted against him 10% of the time.] designed to mislead voters in key media markets.

We need your support to stop the Obama-Biden Democrats’ media buying binge. Your immediate contribution of $25, $50, $100, $250, $500, $1,000 or more will help fund our team’s ads in key media markets across the country. [I promise I won’t spend it on clothes, really, I mean also, unless I find a pair of boots to go with that Dior suit, cause Todd says they will make me look really, really hot. ]

The current media buying gap is a direct result of Senator Obama’s broken pledge to accept public financing. This summer, Senator Obama chose to break his promise to the American people by opting out of the public financing system. But, you can be sure that our entire team will honor all of the promises we make in this campaign because we are men and women of our word. [And as soon as Mr. Rove tells me what we are deciding to promise we will honor that also, unless something happens and we can’t. When I’m VP, in my expanded duties I will make sure there is a constitutional amendment about this matter..]

Our team of reformers has a plan to take America in a new direction. Our economic policies focus on providing economic relief to those who need it most [Many of our dear friends on Wall Street are out of work and desperately need our help. And John told me about this other plumber friend of his named G. Gordon…] While the Obama-Biden Democrats say they want to “spread the wealth around,” our team won’t support economic policies that punish Americans for working hard and pursuing the American Dream. [We want to reward Americans who spread our American Dream and prosperity to folks like those super hardworking Chinese and Indian people. I myself also personally spread some wealth around last month in our beleaguered pro-American fashion industry. ]

I’m asking you today to help our team get this message out. The funds you give today will help pay for upcoming ad buys and get-out-the-vote efforts. [Again also, unless I find those boots, every penny will go to our Anti-Anti-American ads exclusively.]

If Senator Obama is elected and Speaker Pelosi and Senator Reid are in charge of Congress, there will be nothing stopping them from raising your taxes, immediately pulling out of Iraq and placing your healthcare decisions in the hands of government bureaucrats. [And if that terrorist-loving Anti-American loses, we won’t raise taxes; we’ll cut services and grow the national debt for you guys and gals and just to be sure we do, we’ll keep our troops in Iraq for decades and also too let you all fend for yourselves with that health thing, God Bless ya. ]

We can’t let this happen and that’s why your financial support is so critical to our efforts. Every dollar we raise goes directly to help fund media buys and get-out-the-vote efforts in important races across the country. So, please make the most generous contribution you can give – whether its $25 or $250. We’re certainly grateful for any help you can give. [Donate no matter what your economic situation, cause John keeps tellin’ me, the fundamentals are strong, you betcha!] Thank you.

Sincerely,

Governor Sarah Palin

P.S. Are you tired of watching the barrage of liberal television ads the Obama-Biden Democrats are running? If so, then I ask that you help us close the media buying gap by making a generous contribution of any amount to McCain-Palin Victory 2008. And if you can give $75 or more today, we’ll send you an exclusive McCain-Palin Victory 2008 lapel pin to show your support during the final days of the campaign. [This may someday be worth as much as a copy of that Dewey headline.] We appreciate your support.

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